What is love?

 Tomorrow is Valentine's Day! We have changed the meaning of this day over the years, mostly for commercial gain, as with everything, but do you actually know why we celebrate love on February 14th every year?

It all came about in the 3rd Century AD, and actually the story isn't completely clear in facts, some say there were two priests called Valentine and some say only one. And also, the 'love letter' isn't a given as being true either, but here it is.

Emperor Claudius II executed a priest named Valentine, this priest possibly wrote a love letter to a roman girl while in jail, and that's pretty much it! And now, every year men, mostly feel the pressure of showering their loved one with gifts, flowers, cards and balloons, because of this one story, that may, or may not be true. We celebrate love because a priest was executed in the 3rd century on the 14th February! Madness! And yet, if you don't take part in it, well, it's just not done is it? You have to!

Here's an old interpretation of love from the ancient Greeks!

EROS - romantic love. Ah :)

PHILIA - affectionate love

STORGE - familiar love

PRAGMA - enduring love

PHILAUTIA - self-love/self-compassion

LUDOS - playful love

AGAPE - unconditional love

Let's look at this, from a seemingly modern perspective, I don't live completely in the past!

EROS, that's what I have with my husband, never had it before, he's a romantic man, and I could not imagine life without him, he completes me. I know, too much of the soppy stuff but this blog is about love after all, it's the reason you are reading.

PHILIA, this is the love that we have for our close friends, best friends. Interestingly the opposite meaning of this word is 'phobia!' I am sure that we have all experienced this kind of love in our lives at some point or another?

STORGE, I was going to make some kind of joke about small villages in Cornwall here, but I haven't......this kind of love right here is the sort of instinctual love that we have for our parents and siblings. We may not even want to have that love if maybe we don't get on with someone in the family, maybe you think your brother is an idiot, but still there is an instinct to love that brother, it's a DNA thing. It can't be helped!

PRAGMA, this love is deep and committed. You start with EROS, and then over time, years and years pass with each other and you end up in the deepest love with someone. This is epic and I feel this kind of love grow every day with Ryan, it's a lasting bond, it's your forever kind of love, you were with the right person and every day you have that reminder, because you fall a little deeper in love with each passing second. Look at me getting all soppy!

PHILAUTIA, and this one is very very important, because if you don't experience this, then you may never feel the other kinds of love that you could. This is self-love, not the kind you get from Love Honey, this is respect for yourself, love for who you are, self-respect in a way. Not arrogance or vanity, that's not love, that's a whole different category for another blog some day. Without loving who you are, how can you love another? I started to like myself slightly before I met my husband, it took me a long time, but had I not turned that corner, we wouldn't be what we are now together. I am slowly learning to love myself, but only because I am now being loved properly, appreciated for being me, that goes a long way too. Seek this kind of love more than anything else, you need to appreciate who you are and value what you bring to the world. Then others will do the same.

LUDOS, a fickle kind of love, if you could label it love at all? I wouldn't. This is seduction, flirting, playing, it's a game but it's not a serious love. It's an affair, a one night stand, it's not committed love, it has a place I suppose, but it won't fulfill you forever. It certainly won't help you with your self-love, not in the long-term anyway. But, take what you can when you can get it? Long-term love isn't for everyone!

AGAPE, this is true unconditional love for all. This is the kind of love that people who work in care, volunteer for causes, charities, look after those in need, the people that care for other humans, animals, birds, plants, the nurturing people of the world. The empaths, healers and therapists. You always hear that phrase, 'dogs give you unconditional love' although I don't quite believe that because a lot of dogs are food-orientated, but still, you understand, we need to be a little more dog to have this kind of love in our lives. This love is not about judging someone because of their situation in life, their colour or sex, this is appreciating humans or animals or whatever for just being themselves. The love of life and all living things in it. This kind of love cannot be felt by everyone, but I am grateful for those that are in the world that do, thank you!

Were you expecting this from a love blog? To be honest, I wasn't sure myself where I was going to go with today's topic, and I definitely didn't go the well-used track today.

Love isn't all about romance, Valentine's day isn't about expensive gifts and perfume, and to be honest, if you feel the love above, the EROS and PRAGMA, then every single day is valentine's day for you. There is no gift greater than feeling true romantic love, and as I said before, until you love yourself, or start to, then you won't feel the love of someone else in that way.

Four years ago, I was single, I had told everyone that I would be a spinster, that love wasn't a thing I could have, that I wouldn't be able to find someone who could love me for being me, not wanting to change me. I didn't believe that one person could exist in the world, turns out I was wrong, and I am ecstatic to say that I was wrong. I met someone who loves everything about me, my strange dress-sense, weird ideas, stupid challenges, propensity to wear fancy dress, all of it! He hasn't changed me, except in the way that I am MORE of who I was before, because he appreciates the things that make me, me. I am more of me, more than ever!

Love yourself, find unconditional love, enjoy the love of your family and friends, whatever kind of love, I do hope that it embraces you this Valentine's day, even if it's a bit of a shit story that lead to it! Celebrating the day a priest was executed, brilliant!