Grief - and how it shapes us.
Today's blog is inspired by the man above, taking part in a sack race in the village I grew up in.
He passed away on 28th January 2001, and to some, that seems like a long time ago, and yes, it is, but in terms of loss, it could have been yesterday.
I am musing about how grief, the loss of someone close can shape the rest of our lives, because things will never be the same again, just like any other life change, but losing someone you love, it's the biggest shake up of all.
EVERY year when a loved one has died, you have to go through the following, birthdays, Christmas, anniversary's, and then ultimately, the date that they died on comes along. You can't exactly get the cake out and start dancing can you? But why not celebrate the life of someone, particularly someone who would have wanted you to get the cake out and start dancing. I get that there are people out there who would deem that disrespectful, but it's always 'person dependent.'
WHAT do you do? Sit and be sad for 24 hours? Mourn their loss again, wear black, be sombre?
ARE you sad and yet do something? Keep busy?
YOU could turn sadness into action? Do something that day that they would have wanted (which may be eating cake and dancing, you never know)
Walking the dogs the other evening with my husband I asked him about what he thought I should write about, or do, to mark my Dad's anniversary. I always mention it on social media, because it lets my clients, and prospective clients know that I have experienced loss too, that I can empathise better when I am helping someone who has come to me for therapy. I said that I had an idea to talk about how I am now, compared with what I might have been, had my Dad not died.
Would I be different? Would I have taken different career paths? Would my personal relationships have been different?
I suppose we will never know, but what I do know is that losing someone important fundamentally changes us. There is no escaping it.
I always, always bang on about life being too short in my blogs and podcasts. I am always banging on about it to my friends and family. This year, I was fifty, and I have a list of fifty things to do this year, things I have never done before that I want to try, because you never know how long you have got.
AM I worried that I may die too young, like my Dad did? Absolutely I am, but surely you can understand why? I know of others who have been through a similar experience feel the same.
DOES this make me morbid? Or just realistic?
Again, the wise words of my husband, some people are ignorant to death, or words very similar, they go through life, living each day the same, never experiencing anything truly exciting or adventurous, not thinking that the end may come too soon and they have achieved nothing. I want to achieve things, do all the things.
I am not focused on DEATH, But LIVING the best life I can, while I can. AND, living the healthiest life too for a better chance of longevity!
EACH anniversary and birthday that Dad isn't here, I run, I run and talk to him about what I am planning next, what adventure is on the cards, how I can self-improve, be more organised, more efficient, how I can improve my mind and body in the coming months. This anniversary, due to a knee injury I will be cycling with him, he loved to cycle too, so it's not so different.
HE is always there for me, because he lives in me, I carry his DNA, I am part him, I cannot ever be without him. And that is the comfort I need. This is not about sadness, about wallowing about, it's about having a good look at yourself, and taking the positives from a loss, because there are positives, you just have to spend time looking for them. Live for the future, learn from the past, and be the best YOU, that YOU can be!
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